An Icky Recipe

Figure 1. Meet Marcie!

Meet Marcie! Marcie is the happiest student in Miss Styles' second grade class (Figure 1). Marcie loves to go outside and play jump rope with her friends at recess, but lately, Marcie has been staying inside instead of playing jump rope with her friends. Marcie definitely does not act like the happiest girl in class anymore. Miss Styles asks Marcie why she stopped going to recess. Marcie tells her that Tommy from class calls her names, pulls her hair and tells her that she is stupid for liking to play jump rope. She says it makes her feel really icky. Poor Marcie. Miss Styles wants to know why Marcie never told
anyone that Tommy has not been very nice to her. Marcie says she has a crush on Tommy, and Tommy says he has a crush on her, too. She says it is okay if Tommy is mean to her, because boys are mean to the girls they like. Miss Styles does not think that is okay! If Tommy has a crush on her, he should not be mean to her.

PIECE OF CAKE

When boys and girls really like someone, they want each other to be happy and safe. When both people feel happy and safe, we call this is a healthy relationship (1). Miss Styles says that building a healthy relationship is like baking a cake; you need to follow a recipe (Figure 2).

Figure 2. You need all the ingredients to make this
recipe work.

If you are missing any of the ingredients, you end up with something icky, and no one wants to eat an icky cake! When you do not any of the ingredients for a healthy relationship, this is called an abusive relationship, which make boys and girls feel really sad and unsafe. While there are a lot of different ingredients that make a healthy relationship, the 2 most important ones in this recipe are respect and support (1). 

FOLLOWING THE RECIPE

Figure 3. You have to follow every step
if you do not want an icky recipe.

Unless you want an icky cake, you have to follow the recipe exactly (Figure 3)! The same goes for relationships. If you want a healthy relationship, you have to follow all of the steps. The first step is to pour in lots and lots of respect! People have respect for each other when they value each other's independence, or the ability to be yourself (2). This means you do not say anything to the other person to make them feel bad about themselves on purpose, even if you are really mad at them. Tommy does not have respect for Marcie, because he calls her names and wants to make her feel bad about herself. Next in the recipe, you want to sprinkle in some support! People support each other by encouraging and making their partner feel good about themselves (2). People in a healthy relationship will support each other even when the other person is doing something good or that makes them happy. Tommy does not support Marcie, because he makes her feel bad for liking to jump rope even though it makes Marcie happy. If Marcie and Tommy were dating, they would not be following the healthy relationship recipe. This means they would be getting a big slice of icky!

DIFFERENT ICKY FLAVORS

Figure 4. No one wants to eat an icky cake just like no one wants to feel icky

Miss Styles says that just like how there are different flavors of cake, there are different types of abusive relationships - and all of them are icky (Figure 4)! These "flavors" are called domestic abuse, and there are a lot of them! If Marcie was Tommy's girlfriend, she would be a victim of 3 different types of abuse. They are:

1. Verbal Abuse - when one person uses mean words to make their boyfriend or girlfriend feel scared or embarrassed

2. Emotional Abuse - when one person says or does something in order to make their partner feel really bad about who they are

3. Physical Abuse - when one partner hurts the other partner on purpose (1)

That's a lot of bad things for one person to go through! So how do these different types of abuse apply to Marcie? Tommy calls Marcie names so that she feels embarrassed, which is a type of verbal abuse. Tommy also calls Marcie stupid for playing jump rope. This is emotional abuse, because Tommy makes Marcie feel bad about herself, and stop jumping rope even though she loves it. Last is physical abuse. This affects Marcie, because Tommy pulls her hair to hurt her on purpose. These are the behaviors that make Marcie feel icky. These actions are not appropriate, and you should never treat someone you love the way Tommy treats Marcie.

LET THEM EAT CAKE

Figure 5. Marcie is much more happier
without someone being mean to her!

Thanks to Miss Styles, Marcie realizes that Tommy must not really like her since he is not nice to her. Marcie still has a little crush on Tommy, but she knows that he is not good for her! Miss Styles says she is going to talk to Tommy and that Marcie should just stay away from him for a while. If Tommy tries being mean to her again, she should tell a trusted adult. In the meantime, Marcie should spend time doing things she likes with her friends so that she can feel happy again (Figure 5). Marcie likes that idea very much!

References

1. Arizona Coalition to End Sexual & Domestic Violence. (2018, November 12). Types of domestic violence. Retrieved from https://www.acesdv.org/domestic-violence-graphics/types-of-abuse/

2. Brown, N. (2013, October). Respect in relationships. Retrieved from http://www.pamf.org/teen/abc/buildingblocks/respect.html

Girls Jumping Rope [Photograph]. (2018). Retrieved from https://www.mycutegraphics.com/graphics/emotions/happy-girl.html

Gross Cake [Photograph]. 2011. Retrieved from https://www.snackncake.com/post_gross-looking-cakes_120677/

3. Hall Health Center Health Promotion Staff. (2014, January). Healthy vs. unhealthy relationships. Retrieved from http://depts.washington.edu/hhpccweb/health-resource/healthy-vs-unhealthy-relationships/

Happy Girl [Photograph]. (2018). Retrieved from https://www.mycutegraphics.com/graphics/emotions/happy-girl.html

4. Office on Women's Health. (2018, August 24). In relationships. Retrieved from https://www.girlshealth.gov/safety/saferelationships/index.html

Recipe Book [Photograph]. (2018). Retrieved from https://www.kisscc0.com/clipart/literary-cookbook-blank-cookbook-my-family-recipes-idr7jb/

Two Kids Baking [Photograph]. (2018). Retrieved from https://www.wagjag.com/deal/52-off-kids-baking-class